Space

I'm writing this after being confused for at least 30 minutes and not knowing where to point the DNS server but figuring out anyway because that's me−I don't easily step back if I can't solve my problems, especially if it's tech related. It will take an hour for it to reflect so I figured, why not draft a post? If you're reading this, you probably know I've successfully finished what needs to be done.

That was quite long for an introduction. Am I sure I can still do this?

Anyway, wow, I'm writing again. It came as a shock to me as well. I've been putting this off for a while now because I've long given up on blogging. But here I am, typing as if I know where this post will lead.

But how are you? (Uy, may audience ka na agad ghorl?)

I've been busy contemplating the unpredictability of life.

I resigned last May (yep, in the middle of this pandemic) to focus on my pastry business. It took a while before I mustered enough courage to actually tell myself that my previous job was not working for me anymore. There were a whole lot of different factors but that's for a different day.

I've also been reevaluating where I want to go next.

During the first quarter of the year, when all felt normal, I declared a new goal. I wanted to put up a coffee shop. The plan was: (1) I will look for work abroad, (2) I will save up with my sister so we can start a business, and then (3) we will go home and fulfill that life long dream. At this moment, though, it seems too far-fetched.

Since we are all on lockdown, others have more time to try on new things such as baking. Although I am proud that all my customers are satisfied and are repurchasing even, there's still that negative nudging in my head that I am not as triumphant as I thought I would be. But just like what my sister always tells me, the clouded thoughts are no reason to stop.

Aside from baking once or twice a week, I got the chance to meet new people virtually. I suddenly have a lot of people from different walks of life with whom I can get advice or recommendations from. But really, all we do is make chismis with one another.

I met them through the podcast Wake Up With Jim and Saab. I'm saying this as a member of the online community ha. Everyone seems to be enjoying the server. I think I was just an admin by default because the Discord server was created by me. *tumawa ng malakas*

Aside from the nightly kwentuhan, we also came up with different activities such as a live podcast every Thursday, a more formal talk once a week, and an open mic. All of which organically transpired out of unforced situations. In fact, last night, after cursing multiple times at Dio during a streaming of I'm Drunk, I Love You, there was suddenly a live pod. We just wanted to let out our annoyance over Paulo Avelino's character because he was such a dick. Then, somebody asked what was the stupidest thing we did because of love. It started from there until emotions were pouring in and the others were starting to feel comfortable sharing their vulnerabilities. The topic went from the most trivial things to more serious topic such as mental illness, to name one.

When they call the server a safe space, I can't help but get kilig. But I also don't want to take any credit from the actual people who form our growing family so I try my best not to show them I'm flattered. After all, each one of us contributes to the warmth the group continues to effortlessly emanate.

To put it simply, I guess we're just attracting what we already are.