Commitment Issues

I felt a sudden burst of emotions when I was browsing through Instagram. Someone I was following posted about her current living arrangement with her boyfriend. 

I was scared. Or anxious. Or felt betrayed by my own I-want-to-have-my-own-family feeling.

Because, imagine, if you finally commit to a relationship and your partner decides to live somewhere or if an opportunity arises and he has the option to work abroad and bring you along, you would choose to go with him. I think it's not even a choice if it means a better, grandeur life. Because who opts to live in this kind of government anyway?

And then I thought to myself, can I actually do that? Well, yes, commit myself to someone—that I think I can consider. But, also, create such decisions that would be patterned to someone else's life. Would I be able to do those?

The Instagram post I was viewing did not even talk about future plans. But of course, here I am, overthinking trivial things.

I wrote this on the 9th of September 2020. I don't remember why it was never posted.