Resolving Life



I have an affinity for start overs.

There's just something satisfying about those two zeros that signify a new hour or seeing that number 1 at the start of each monthly calendar. But 2020 changed that.

Maybe it's the lack of motivation. Maybe it's the thought that there's nothing wrong about not learning anything when your whole country is on lockdown. Some say to use your time wisely now that almost everyone is working from home. After all, those hours spent on the road can now be turned into an extra push of productivity. We can finally practice a hobby, read a book, watch a movie, workout, or learn something new. But again, it's totally fine if you do nothing.

At 27, when we were free to go outside without masks, during the most uncertain phase of my life, I still wanted to be something. I admit though that I used to be the maximizer. I would never settle for less. But honestly, being in the middle—yet again—of wanting to be the best but resorting to the acceptance of what I'm really capable of, I would wonder if age plays a role in all these. 

Is starting over a social construct? Is it a sign of defeat if we admit that we aren't who we used to be? Or is it a proof of courage?

To be honest, I thought I got my writing juju back last year. Although some of what I wrote were previously drafted in my notes, it helped my creativity flourish even just a little. But when I lost Papa in October, all creative juices went down the drain. However, knowing him, he wouldn't want me sulking in the corner. After all, he always supported me and let me fly, despite the uncertainty. He'd want me to seek what I'm meant to be and to create a life for myself—even if it means writing as a side project. Or an online diary. Or whatever this is.

But for now, I must admit, I had an affinity for start overs.

0 Comentarios

Thoughts?